How connection keeps us alive
We enter this world alone, and we depart this world alone.
While I have sat with people and held their hand as they died, I could not sojourn with them through death, nor encounter what they may find on the other side.
This is the isolated nature of human existence.
We can be isolated from others, having little to no social contact.
We may feel isolated from ourselves, experiencing depersonalization and derealization that come with trauma and grief.
Then there’s the knowledge of ultimate isolation, knowing the only reality we can ever experience is our own.
We are innately social creatures in response to this isolation. People want to connect, and need to connect, in order to survive. This is why it feels so fulfilling when we are fully present with others.
Connection keeps us alive.
Social connections reduce blood pressure, decrease stress, boost immune health, and enhance cognitive function.1 They makes us more empathetic, compassionate people. So what happens when we stop engaging and connecting?
Social isolation may increase the production of proteins in your brain that are linked with disease and death. Proteins GFRA1, ADM, FABP4, TNFRSF10A, and ASGR1 are significantly related to isolation, and contribute to inflammation and antiviral immune responses. In a 14-year-study on proteins and isolation, more than half these proteins were linked to cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, stroke and death. Positive social relationships were shown to lower the occurrence of said proteins.
The National Center for Biotechnology Information has found that individuals who lead lives of isolation have a 33% increased risk for all-cause mortality, or, the number of people who die from any cause in a specific demographic, over a given period of time.2 This echoes studies that find similar risk associated with atypical amounts of TV watching.
Behaviors such as self-isolation and excessive TV viewing are indicative of greater issues, such as poor nutrition, sedentary lifestyle, loss of motivation in life, and little interest in taking care of oneself.
Isolation versus Loneliness
When we cut ourselves off from others, we cut ourselves off from ourselves. Human beings need to be with humans. Even when we feel content in our cozy hermit shell.
Someone may be socially connected and active, yet feel lonely. Maybe they’re married but never spend quality time with their spouse, or their best friend is a person who takes and takes, never giving back. The reverse can also be true, I have a friend who, as she puts it, really enjoys [her] own company, and can happily go days without leaving her apartment. She’s often isolated, but by no means lonely. And yet, her satisfaction with isolation does not protect her from its’ adverse effects.
The cognitive and physical effects of social isolation are independent from one’s felt perception of loneliness. While the epidemic of loneliness is of real concern, it is the absence of social contact, connection and engagement that can cut our lives short.
This trick to increasing healthspan and lifespan is simple. By being present, we keep each other alive. We may not be able to escape the isolation of human existence, but we can create bridges of connection between us.